


Saving Cas Novak

by Navajo_Woman



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Smut, M/M, NSFW Art, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Past Child Molestation, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 19:34:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5714542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Navajo_Woman/pseuds/Navajo_Woman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is a homeless man with a horrific past. He finds a long term shelter where Dean is a counselor. Cas has terrible PTSD and Dean just wants to help him. They eventually have a relationship.<br/>This story is full of potential triggers. Please read the note at the beginning. If any of this triggers you, please don't read this. It was very cathartic for me to write but I don't want to trigger anyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There are fairly graphic depictions of abuse Cas suffered at the hands of his mother as a child. These include rape, bondage and molestation. It is all in the past and this does have a happy ending, but please avoid it if you are easily triggered.

 

Castiel was so tired of being cold and hungry, of fighting to find a place to sleep. Mostly he was tired of always being afraid. So when the cop had told him about the long-term shelter that might have room for him, he decided to give it a try.

He walked in and was greeted by a nice woman at the front desk. She asked him his name and his age. He looked down at his feet as he spoke to her. Eye contact was scary. She smiled, he could hear it in her voice. She told him to follow her and she led him down a hall to another room. There were chairs and one other man was waiting. She told him to sit and his name would be called. He sat.

After a short time, the other man was called and he left the room with a young man. Castiel waited. Then he heard his name called and he stood up. He glanced up quickly to see a young woman who was smiling at him. She told him to come with her and they went into a small office. Castiel sat.

The woman said her name was Ruby. Ruby had papers and she asked Castiel questions and wrote down his answers. The questions were easy: how long had he been homeless, where he was from originally, things like that. Then she made a phone call and another man came and got him.

He followed this man to a dorm room where there were rows of beds. He led Castiel to a bed and told him that this one would be his. It looked like heaven to Castiel, who had not been on a bed in a long time. The man told him when lunch was, and asked another man who was sitting on a nearby bed to show Castiel where the dining room was.

Castiel sat on the edge of his bed, not knowing what it was okay to do or to not do, until lunch. The other man took him to the dining room and showed him how to get a tray and get food. Castiel ate everything very gratefully. He couldn’t remember the last time he had so much food to eat.

After he cleaned his tray, he stood, confused as to what he should do. Then a woman came up to him and asked if he were Castiel Novak. He nodded. She told him that the counselor had some time, and would like to see him.

Castiel was very afraid. Counselors usually meant questions and Castiel had so many secrets. He got confused sometimes as to what it was okay to tell and what was not. But she left him no choice, so he followed her.

She took him to an office, knocked on the door and listened to a man say, “Come in.” She opened the door and said, “This is Mr. Novak.”

Castiel went into the office, looking at the floor. A deep voice said, “I’m Dean. Dean Winchester. Come on in.”

Castiel looked up quickly. The man was taller than Castiel, and had a beautiful face. Castiel sucked in a breath and looked down quickly. He sat in the chair that the man indicated.

Dean told Castiel that he was the counselor at the shelter and was there to help all the men with any problems they may have. “You can always come and talk to me about anything. I hope we can be friends.”

Castiel was afraid to speak. He was afraid of this handsome man who seemed too friendly. Maybe he just wanted Castiel to tell his secrets and then he would throw him out. Castiel didn’t want to leave, he wanted to have a real bed and eat real food.

Dean looked at some papers. “Your name is, uh, Castiel?”

Castiel nodded.

“That’s an unusual name. Does it have a special meaning?”

 

Castiel thought about it, but couldn’t see it would be telling a secret to answer that.

“It is the name of an angel.”

 

Dean smiled. “An angel? That’s pretty cool. But would it be okay if I just called you Cas? It seems easier.”

Castiel considered this, and nodded. “It’s all right.”

 

“Cool. Thanks. So, Cas, you’ve been homeless for quite a while now. I would imagine it is good to have somewhere to stay. We hope you can stay with us for a long time.”

Cas nodded again. He really wanted to make eye contact with the man, Dean, but he was just too afraid. Maybe Dean could see that Cas had secrets.

“Well, Cas, I’m going to arrange for you to get some clothes and some toiletries. Then in a day or two, we can find you something to do around here. Come on with me.”

Dean stood up and walked to the door. Cas followed. Dean led him to an area that had rows and rows of clothes, bins of underwear and socks and there were even shoes on racks.

Dean spoke to the woman who seemed to be in charge.

“Mary will take care of you, Cas. We’ll talk again soon.”

 

Later, Cas had his arms full of clothes. He was amazed. He even had new shoes. He put everything away neatly in the foot locker that was kept under his bed. He laid down on the bed until dinner. He ate well, and then was shown the way to the showers. He stood under the hot water for a long time, feeling almost human again. Then he went to bed and slept soundly for the first time in months.

 

Cas put on all new clothes and felt like a king. He brushed his teeth after breakfast and combed his hair. He was going to need a haircut soon.  Then someone told him to go see Dean again. All his bravery and new-found confidence just left him like air escaping a balloon.

He knocked quietly at the door to Dean’s office. He heard ‘Come in, Cas.”

He shuffled in, looking down. He sat in the chair. Dean didn’t say anything to him for a moment and this made him even more nervous.

“Cas, how are you today? You look a lot better now that you got cleaned up and in some clothes that fit.”

Cas nodded but didn’t look at Dean.

He heard Dean get out of his chair and come around. Dean sat on the edge of his desk and looked at Cas.

“Cas? Can you look at me?”

Cas struggled to raise his head. He dragged his eyes up until they were looking into Dean’s. Dean had the greenest eyes Cas had ever seen. He felt himself blush and quickly looked down.

Again, Dean said, “Cas, please look at me.”

Cas forced himself to look at Dean’s face. He concentrated on Dean’s nose.

Dean sighed and said, “Look, Cas. I get that you have no reason to trust me. I understand that I have to earn that. But there is no reason to be afraid of me. I promise I won’t hurt you in any way. I just want to be your friend.”

 

Cas took in a deep, ragged breath. A friend? No, no he was not allowed to have friends. It was dangerous. Cas suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe. His vision got narrow and he felt sick to his stomach.

Dean was kneeling next to him.

“Cas, Cas. You’re having a panic attack. Try to calm down. Here, breath into this bag.”

He held a paper bag up to Cas’ mouth and Cas struggled to breath into it. He was sweaty and that embarrassed him a lot. Dean had a hand on Cas’ back and was moving small circles against it. This both soothed Cas and scared him half to death.

Finally, Cas could catch his breath. He felt pale and sweaty and nasty. He desperately wanted Dean to stop touching him.

“Are you okay now, Cas?’

Cas nodded.

“Let’s go outside and sit, okay?”

 

Dean led Cas out a side door and to a bench that sat beneath a big tree. There were flowers planted along a walkway. It was quite pretty there, and Cas found it relaxing. Dean and Cas sat side by side on the bench.

 

“Better now, Cas?”

Cas nodded.

 

“Can you tell me what happened? What scared you?”

 

Cas gulped and said, “You do.”

 

Dean looked shocked. “Me? I scare you? Why?”

 

Cas looked at the ground. “Because you may ask me questions that trick me into telling secrets. I have to keep my secrets”

 

Dean sighed. “Cas, I would never force you to tell me anything you didn’t want to tell me. You’ve got to believe that.”

 

Cas said, “I like it here. I want to stay here. I don’t want to get thrown out. I don’t want to be on the street again.”

 

Dean looked at him. He sighed again and said, “I can’t imagine you doing anything that would cause us to throw you out, Cas.”

 

Cas felt trapped. He looked around wildly and said, “That’s because you don’t know me. I’m dirty. I’m dirty and I’m sick and I can’t be around nice people. I need to go…”

Cas jumped up but Dean grabbed his arm and held him in place.

“Why would you think you are dirty, Cas? Please tell me why you would say that.”

 

Cas began to sob. He knew it was just too good to be true that he could live here. To be clean and have decent clothes and eat. To sleep in a bed. Too good to be true. He had to tell one secret so Dean would know that he had to go.

“I’m dirty. I’m bad because I’m… I’m gay. I like men. I’m nasty because I’m gay.”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First mention of child abuse.

Dean just gaped at him. He couldn’t believe what Cas had just said. He took a deep breath to steady himself before he answered.

“Cas. Being gay doesn’t make you dirty or bad. It just means you like men. You are NOT dirty. Jesus, Cas. I’m gay. Do you think I’m dirty?”

 

Cas just gaped at Dean. Why would he say such a thing? He must be trying to trick him to get Cas to say something else about himself.

“You are lying to me.” Cas felt angry.

Dean said quietly, “I’m not lying. I’m gay. I can prove it to you.”

 

Cas let himself be led back to Dean’s office. Cas sat in the chair while Dean went to a bookcase and got down a photo album. He turned a few pages and then kneeled down next to Cas. He put the album in Cas’ lap.

“See? This was my boyfriend in college. Look, Cas.”

 

Cas looked at the pictures. It showed a younger Dean with another man. They looked happy, smiling and laughing. In two photos, they were kissing. In another, Dean had his arm around the man.

Cas just stared at the photos. They showed men out in public, kissing. This was wrong, it had to be. But there it was, and Cas felt confused.

 

“Cas, I don’t know who told you that being gay was wrong or dirty or whatever, but they lied to you. The world if full of gay men, living happy, healthy lives. Together, we can work through this, if you will just trust me enough to help you.”

 

Cas looked at Dean for the first time. Really looked at him.

“And you won’t make me leave?”

 

Dean laughed. “No, Cas, I won’t make you leave. In fact, I really want you here.”

 

Cas sighed and relaxed just a little bit. He had told one big secret and nothing bad happened. Maybe this was a good place for him after all.

 

The next day he was given a job in the kitchen. He was happy there, he did what he was told and didn’t have to interact with people much. He had time to himself as well. He began to read books he found in the communal library. He was getting more relaxed.

Then Dean came in to the dining room in between meals looking for a cup of coffee. Cas got it for him.

“Why don’t you join me, Cas? Sit with me a bit.”

Cas was very uncomfortable but he did it. He got a cup of coffee and sat across the table from Dean.

 

“You seem to be settling in, Cas. I’m really happy.”

Cas tried a small smile, and had no idea if it really looked like a smile or not.

 

Dean said, “I would really like it if we could talk again. Would you be willing to spend some time talking with me?”

Cas felt a knot in his stomach but he nodded. He was trying to be braver around Dean.

Dean said, “How about if we meet on the bench outside again? It is really nice weather right now and it is relaxing out there.”

Again Cas nodded. And he agreed to meet Dean there tomorrow after lunch was over.

 

Cas walked to the bench and was surprised to see that Dean was already there. Dean looked up and saw Cas, and smiled big. Dean had such a beautiful smile, it made Cas’ heart feel warm to see it.

 

Dean asked Cas some questions about how he was liking it there, if he had made any friends, general stuff. Cas said no to making friends. He had no experience with friends and the thought of making one just frightened him.

 

Dean asked him who had told him that being gay meant you were dirty.

Cas turned away and said, “It doesn’t matter who.”

Dean just let it go. He was not going to push Cas just yet, the man still seemed way too fragile. So they talked about general things like working in the kitchen and the weather.

 

A couple of weeks passed. Dean and Cas met on the bench when the weather was good. Cas seemed to be relaxing more around people and was doing good in his job.

Then one day, the head cook was making a huge pot of chili for dinner. He asked Cas to get him a spoon from the pantry to stir it with. He described a large wooden spoon and Cas went to look for it. He found it, and picked it up. But suddenly he was overcome with fear.

He threw the spoon on the floor and began to say, “no. No. No. No.” over and over. He ran from the kitchen in a total panic.

Dean found him curled up on the floor in the library. He was panting and had his legs pulled up tight against him. His head was buried in between his legs and he was sobbing. Dean sat down on the floor next to him and began by saying, “Cas. Cas, it’s me, Dean. You’re all right, Cas. I’m here.”

He reached out and touched Cas on the shoulder. This produced a loud sob but Cas didn’t pull away. Dean began to rub Cas’ arm and after a minute, Cas seemed to quiet.

Dean just sat with him, telling him over and over that he was safe and that Dean was there for him. Finally, Cas lifted his face and looked at Dean. He was white as a sheet and his face was streaked with tears. It broke Dean’s heart to see him this way.

Dean scooted closer to Cas and put his other hand out, touching Cas’ other shoulder.

“What happened, Cas? Can you tell me?”

 

Cas sighed. “I’m not sure. I just got very frightened.”

 

Dean said, “The guys in the kitchen said it seemed to have something to do with a wooden spoon?”

 

Cas gasped and started to shake. “No. No. No.”

Dean hurried to calm Cas. “Cas, it’s okay, You’re safe here. You’re with me. You are completely safe.”

 

Eventually, Dean got Cas out to the bench. Cas was calmer and Dean asked him again what his panic attack had to do with the spoon.

 

Tears began to fall down Cas’ cheeks. He said, “It is a secret. I would have to tell you one of my secrets.”

 

Dean said, “I didn’t betray your other secret, Cas. They are safe with me.”

 

Cas considered this.

“She hurt me with one. She said that I needed to know how it felt to be with a gay man. So she showed me with her spoon. It was a big wooden spoon and she hurt me with it. She wouldn’t stop even when I started to bleed and I was begging her. She said I needed to know how it would feel.”

 

Dean felt sick. He had to swallow bile down to keep from retching.

“Cas, are you saying that someone raped you with a spoon?”

 

Cas looked confused. “Rape? No, she just wanted me to know how much it would hurt and how nasty it was.”

 

Dean sighed. “Cas, that was rape. Whoever did this to you raped you. And believe me, having sex with a man is nothing like that. It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t make you bleed. She raped you.”

 

Cas thought about that. “Rape…” He never had considered that she was wrong. She had always told him it was for his own good to learn these things.

 

Dean wanted to hug Cas but he was afraid it was too soon. So he just rubbed a circle on the small of Cas’ back with his hand. He wanted to know who had hurt this sweet man so badly and to be honest, he wanted to kill them with his bare hands. And Dean had a very nasty suspicion of just who this ‘she’ was.

 

Cas seemed to get past this latest panic attack and telling Dean his secret. Dean and he still met on the bench whenever they could. One day, Dean asked Cas if the ‘she’ he mentioned was his mother.

Cas looked at his feet for a bit. But eventually he answered in a very quiet voice, “Yes. My mother.”

Dean asked, “How did she find out you were gay?”

 

Cas looked off into space. “I liked a boy when I was in junior high. He liked me too. We wrote each other notes and letters. She found the ones he had sent me.”

 

Dean said, “I think she hurt you in other ways, Cas. When you’re ready, you need to tell me.”

 

Cas looked at Dean with a haunted look in his eye. He nodded.

 

This was the beginning of their painful journey to heal at least part of Cas. They would meet and if Cas was feeling strong enough, he would tell Dean some of his secrets. Every time he told one, he felt just a little lighter. It hurt him to tell, but Dean was always there for him and he had to had to admit it felt good to get at least some of it out of his head and into the light.

 

One of the first secrets he shared was that his mother would use a belt to strap his penis to his thigh before he went to school every day. She said that this was necessary to prevent him from touching himself, and to prevent him from attracting gay men to him. This was only done before school, it wasn’t necessary on the weekends. Cas talked about how it hurt and how it made it impossible for him to piss so he didn’t drink anything until he got home.

Dean could hardly control his anger when Cas told him these things. He did, because he didn’t want to alarm Cas or make him afraid to keep sharing, but it hurt Dean to his very soul to hear about how this woman had abused her son so terribly.

When Cas got older, she would strap his hands down when he went to bed at night, because she was convinced he would touch himself when he got the chance.

 

Spring passed and summer was coming to an end before Cas seemed to have nothing more to share. Dean cared about Cas more and more with each passing day. He longed to take Cas in his arms and maybe even to kiss him. His heart ached for this sweet, broken man.

 

In turn, Cas was developing deep feelings for Dean. Sometimes in bed, his cock would get hard when he thought about Dean. He tried not to touch it, but sometimes he just had to.

 

Then one afternoon, as they sat on the bench together, Cas felt like he couldn’t stand it anymore. He turned to Dean and said, “Dean, would you please kiss me?”

Dean looked startled and Cas immediately felt he had done something very wrong. He blushed and stammered, “Never mind, I’m sorry…”

Dean grabbed his face in his hands and pressed his lips to Cas’. They kissed very lightly at first, but then Dean pressed harder and Cas responded. Dean pushed his tongue against Cas’ lips and Cas just opened his mouth. Dean’s tongue darted into Cas’ mouth and explored.

Cas’ breath was short and he moaned quietly into Dean’s mouth.

Dean broke away and just held Cas’ face. Cas opened his eyes and looked at Dean. Then they were kissing again. Dean pulled Cas closer to him. Cas put his arm around Dean’s neck and they kissed like they had just invented it.

 

When they finally broke apart, Cas said quietly, “That was better than I even imagined it would be. Thank you, Dean.”

Dean laughed. “Hey, thank you Cas. I really have been wanting to kiss you for a while.”

Cas looked surprised. “You have?’

Dean grinned and said, “oh yeah. For a long time.”

 

Cas said. “That was the first time I ever kissed anyone.”

 

Dean smiled at him. “Oh Cas, there are so many things I would like to be your first for.”

Cas blushed.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Cas had given it a great deal of thought. He knew Dean liked him. He really wanted to ask Dean to do this for him but he was sort of afraid that he would be going too far.

Finally, he got up his courage.

They were sitting on the bench. It was a beautiful fall day. Cas took a deep breath and said there was something he wanted to ask.

Dean turned towards him and said, “Anything.”

 

Cas looked at his feet. Dean put his hand under Cas’ chin and made him look up. “Ask me.”

Cas said, “Dean, I want you to make love to me.”

 

Dean looked shocked. Cas immediately felt he had made a terrible mistake.

“I’m sorry Dean. I understand. You can just forget…”

 

Dean put a finger to Cas’ lips to quiet him.

“I would love to make love to you, Cas. I would be honored. Are you sure you are really ready for that?”

Cas nodded. “I’m positive, Dean. I have been thinking about it for a long time.”

Dean kissed him.

 

Dean made plans. Since it was Friday, he would have the weekend off. He got Cas a pass to leave for the weekend and then told Cas to be ready to leave with him at four when Dean got off work. Cas packed a duffle bag and waited for Dean to come and get him.

 

Dean came and got Cas and led him to Dean’s car. They drove to Dean’s apartment in silence. Dean was worried that Cas was getting scared, but Cas was so excited. He just grinned and grinned.

 

Cas really liked Dean’s place. It was small but it really looked like Dean. Posters on the walls, comfortable furniture and lots of books. Dean took Cas’ bag and put it in the bedroom.

Back in the living room with Cas, Dean was having terrible performance anxiety. He absolutely had to make Cas’ first time wonderful. He had to not hurt him in any way, especially physically, and he needed to make Cas feel safe.

Finally, he decided he needed to knock it off. If he kept this up worrying, he probably wouldn’t even be able to get hard, and that would really put a damper on things. He took a deep breath and pulled Cas in for a long kiss. Cas responded and soon their kisses were deep and messy and very erotic.

Dean broke away and whispered, “Cas, I have to be sure you are ready for this. It’s okay to be scared or to feel like it is too soon. You have to be honest with me.”

 

Cas smiled and his ocean-blue eyes sparkled in the light.

“Dean, I am so ready. I want to know what it’s like, I want to feel everything. I don’t want to die a virgin, and I trust you completely. Please, make love to me.”

Dean took Cas’ hand and guided him to the bedroom.

Cas stood in the middle of the room and let Dean take his clothes off. It felt very odd, but very arousing at the same time. When he stood only in his boxers, his cock was tenting them and there was a wet spot where his pre cum had soaked the front. Cas felt very insecure about his body in general and his cock specifically. He had glanced at other men in showers but never to actually compare himself to them. He just hoped he was adequate.

Dean looked down hungrily. He put his hands on the elastic waistband of the boxers and pulled them down slowly. When they went below Cas’ cock, it sprang out and jumped up. Dean sucked in a breath.

“Damn, Cas. You are packing there, baby.”

Cas looked down at himself. Did Dean mean he was big there?

 

Dean pulled the boxers down and off, then guided Cas to the bed. Cas laid down and watched Dean strip.

Dean stripped slowly, both to arouse Cas and to give him plenty of time to call things off. Cas just watched him with big eyes. When Dean got to his boxers, Cas’ eyes were riveted on his bulge. Dean pulled his boxers off and Cas’ eyes got big.

“Dean, you are beautiful. So… so big.”

Dean blushed a little and said, “Not as big as you are, babe.”

 

Dean crawled over Cas. He kissed Cas, forcing his tongue into Cas’ mouth and listening to Cas moan into his mouth. He kissed and nipped down Cas’ throat to his collar bone. He ran his tongue along it, tasting Cas. He worked down to a nipple. When he sucked on it, Cas bucked up and said, “ooohhhh” which pleased Dean very much. He nipped at the nipple until it was hard as a marble then moved to the other one. Cas was making the sweetest sounds.

Dean stopped and looked at Cas. “Listen, babe, if you ever need me to stop, just say so. At any point. If it gets scary or it hurts too much, anything feels wrong, just tell me to stop and I will.”

Cas nodded and said, “I will, I promise.”

 

Then Dean trailed his tongue down over Cas’ belly and along the dusting of fine hair that led to his cock. Cas’ cock was huge, rock hard and pouring pre cum. Dean took just the tip into his mouth and Cas nearly came up off the bed.

“Shh, baby, I’ve got you. Just relax.” Cas took a deep ragged breath and lay back.

Dean tasted Cas, salty and a little bitter and all Cas. He ran his tongue along the rim of Cas’ cock head and then sucked lightly on it. Cas was gasping and moaning. Dean moved down and took each of Cas’ balls in his mouth for just a moment. He didn’t want to overwhelm Cas or make him cum too quickly.

Then he lifted Cas’ legs and pushed them apart and up high. He looked at Cas’ very tight, pink hole. Dean stopped for a moment, thinking how no one had ever been there before and just how much Cas trusted him. He reached for the lube that was on the bedside table and poured a generous amount into his hand. He held it a moment to warm it and then gently rubbed some over Cas’ hole.

Cas gasped and his eyes opened up. He looked down at Dean, who smiled. “Just relax. Baby. It’s fine.”

 

Dean teased a finger over Cas’ hole and then gently pushed one finger into him. Cas rolled his head from side to side and gasped, “Oh, Dean, oh… it feels so good…”

Dean took his time, but pushed his finger in up to the end of the first knuckle. He began to gently fuck in and out, keeping a close watch on Cas’ reactions. Then, when he felt it was okay, he added a finger. Cas was breathing hard and had a look on his face like he was lost, but in a very good way.

Little by little, Dean increased to three fingers and finger-fucked Cas slowly. Then he began to scissor his fingers to open Cas as much as he could. Cas was so tight, it was really going to take time to get him relaxed enough to where it wouldn’t hurt him more than Dean was willing to do.

Finally Cas opened his eyes and looked directly at Dean.

“Dean, please, I’m ready. Please, do it now.”

Dean wanted to more than he had ever wanted to do anything in his life.

“But babe, I’m afraid it’s going to hurt you.”

 

Cas looked serious. “Dean, I don’t care. I need you to do this now. Please, don’t make me beg you.”

 

Dean pulled his fingers out. He rolled a condom on his throbbing cock and poured lube on Cas. Then he crawled up and over Cas. He put Cas’ legs on his shoulders and whispered, “Are you sure? Are you ready?”

Cas nodded furiously.

Dean pushed just the head of his cock past the ring of muscle and watched Cas’ face. Cas gasped and moaned, but Dean stayed. He held there until Cas seemed to be relaxing and then pushed in more.

Cas sucked in his breath. “Yes. Yes. Dean. Oh god, yes.”

 

Dean bottomed out and held as long as he could, but then he just had to move. He pulled back and plunged in again. Cas was moaning and whimpering. Dean tried to take it slow, but he was so worked up he was having a very hard time.

“Not gonna last much longer, baby.”

Cas just nodded. When Dean began to feel his heat, his belly tighten and his balls pull up, he told Cas to open his eyes.

Cas opened his eyes and looked directly into Dean’s. Dean increased his speed and came, shot after hot shot into the condom. Cas’ eyes were dark pits of passion, his breath was coming in gasps and then Dean felt Cas’ cum shoot between their bodies.

Cas yelled, “Oh my god, oh Dean, oh oh oh…”

Dean rolled onto his side and pulled the condom off, throwing it in the direction of the trash can. They lay, catching their breath.

Dean put his arms around Cas and asked, “Are you okay?”

Cas laughed. Dean thought it was the first time he had ever heard Cas just laugh out loud.

“Okay? Dean I am fantastic. That was amazing. It was so much more than I thought it would be. Oh god, I love you Dean. I love you so much.”

Dean kissed Cas on each of his eyes and said, “You know what, Cas? I love you too.”

 

Cas looked amazed. “You love me too? Dean, you love me?”

Dean laughed and gathered Cas up in his arms.

“Yeah, you goof, I love you. I have for a long time now.”

Cas kissed Dean and they just held each other.

 

Finally, Dean said he was hungry. The struggled up and put on their boxers. Dean led Cas to the kitchen to look for something to fix for dinner. Cas pushed Dean aside at the refrigerator and started pulling out ingredients.

“Let me. I am a good cook.”

Dean stepped aside and sat at the table, watching Cas work.

In no time, Cas had whipped up spaghetti and meatballs with garlic toast.

“Fuck, I didn’t even know I had the stuff to make this, Cas. It’s wonderful.”

Cas just beamed at the praise.

 

They chatted while they ate. Dean was shocked to find out that Cas had a brother.

“Younger or older? Why have I never heard anything about him before?”

 

Cas sighed. “Younger. And he was a lot like my mother. I don’t mean he was abusive, but he was very religious and followed her beliefs.”

Dean shook his head. “I don’t think your mother was religious, Cas. I think she was just psychotic.”

 

They finished eating and cleaned up. Dean walked up behind Cas, who was at the sink, and wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist.

“Come back to bed with me, Cas.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

Once they were in the bedroom, Dean pulled Cas’ boxers off and then his own. He pushed Cas to the edge of the bed and then on to it.  
Cas’ cock began to harden, and Dean watched it fill.   
“Gotta taste you, baby.”

Dean took Cas’ cock into his mouth and just held it there for a moment. He swiped his tongue over the slit, tasting the pre cum and listening to Cas gasping. He rolled his tongue around the head and ran it under the ridge. Then he sucked in his cheeks and ran his mouth down Cas’ shaft to the root. His nose was tickled by the curly hair there, and he sniffed in Cas’ earthy scent.   
He ran his mouth up and down, swirling his tongue around the shaft and licking Cas’ slit from time to time. He lifted Cas’ balls in his hand and gently tugged on them, and used two fingers to touch Cas’ perineum. Cas was moaning and whimpering.  
Then Cas gasped, “Dean, I’m cumming…”  
Hot cum shot into Dean’s mouth and he drank down every drop. He sucked on the head to make sure he had it all, and ran his tongue along the slit one last time.

Cas gasped, “Dean. I want to do that to you.”  
Dean smiled and laid back.

Cas looked at Dean’s cock with something resembling awe. He reached out and touched it and Dean sucked in his breath. Cas looked at him and smiled.  
Cas put his mouth on the head. Dean sighed. He sucked softly and Dean said, “A little harder, baby, it’s okay.”  
Cas sucked harder and then ran his tongue down the shaft. Dean moaned. Encouraged, Cas put Dean’s shaft in his mouth and ran his mouth up and down.  
“That’s it, baby. That’s good. Touch my balls.”  
Cas lifted Dean’s balls in his hand and very gently rolled each one around. He sucked up and down Dean’s shaft a little faster, and then Dean said, “I’m gonna cum, Cas.”  
Cas braced himself and then his mouth was filled with hot cum. It was salty and a little bitter but he really liked the taste. It tasted like Dean. He swallowed but some ran down his chin. Dean smiled and gathered some up on his finger. He sucked his spunk off his finger.  
Cas grinned and said, “Did I do okay?”

Dean pulled him into a hug and said, “You did great, baby.”  
Cas beamed.

Cas said, “I want you to teach me everything, Dean. I need to learn everything with you.”

Dean smiled and said, “We have all the time in the world, baby.”

They fell asleep in each other’s arms. Sometime in the dead of the night, Dean became aware of Cas crying. He woke up and turned to Cas, who was asleep but whimpering and crying. He mumbled, “No, please, no, it hurts. Please don’t hurt me…’  
Dean hugged Cas to him and said, “Wake up, baby. Wake up, you’re having a bad dream.’  
Cas jerked awake and looked scared for a minute. Then he realized where he was and put his head against Dean’s chest.  
Dean held him and said soothingly, “it’s okay baby. You’re safe. I got you.”  
Cas sighed and said quietly, “I’m sorry. I have bad dreams a lot.”  
Dean kissed his face.  
“You have nothing to apologize for, baby. It’s not your fault. Maybe being with me will help. You know you’re safe with me.”

Dean held Cas until he was asleep again. Not for the first or the last time, he mentally cursed Cas’ mother and how she had broken this sweet man.

Dean woke up to the sound of Cas flushing the toilet. He watched as Cas padded back into the room naked. Dean sat on the edge of the bed and lifted the covers, indicating that Cas should get in.  
“I’ll be right back baby,”  
Dean pissed and rinsed his morning mouth with mouthwash. Then he went back to Cas. He pulled the covers back to reveal Cas.  
“You are so beautiful, Cas. I love to look at you.’  
Cas blushed.  
Dean began to kiss Cas, and Cas responded. Dean worked his mouth over most of Cas’ body, tasting every part and learning what made Cas make those little noises he loved to hear so much. By the time he was licking the back sides of Cas’ knees they were both hard.

Dean told Cas to roll over on his stomach. Cas did, and Dean pulled his hips back to bring Cas’ ass up in the air. He used his hands to spread Cas’ ass cheeks apart and looked again at that tight pink hole. He had to taste.

He put his tongue over it and Cas gasped and jerked.  
“Dean. Dean, what are you doing?’  
Dean just whispered, “Tasting you. Let me.’

Dean ran his tongue around the pucker and then pushed the tip of his tongue into Cas. Cas was breathing hard and making a sort of whimpering sound. Dean pushed his tongue in deeper and swirled it around. Cas pushed against his face. 

He added a finger to his tongue and Cas made a sound that was a cross between a gasp and a moan. Dean continued to finger Cas open, using his tongue to provide lubrication. He paused long enough to roll a condom on his aching cock. He dripped lube into Cas’ ass crack.

When Cas seemed open enough, he pushed Cas’ hips down so that he was lying flat. He laid down on top of Cas, supporting himself on his forearms. He reached and pushed his cock into Cas. Cas whispered, “Oh yes, Dean… please..”

He pushed until he bottomed out and then just paused to allow Cas to relax. Then he pulled back until his cock was almost out, then pushed in again. Cas pushed against him and this gave Dean all the permission he needed. He fucked Cas faster than he had last night, just feeling himself slide in and out of that tight hole. It was like Cas was too impossibly tight but still he accepted Dean’s cock every thrust.

“Fuck, Cas. You are so tight, it is so good… fuck…”  
Cas just moaned and said, “yes, yes, yes” over and over.

Dean could feel his orgasm begin and it was long, and hot, and amazing. He pushed all the way into Cas and just held his cock there until it softened and slipped out.  
He rolled Cas over and as he pulled the condom off, he grabbed Cas’ cock and ran his hand up and down the shaft. Cas came in his hand after just three pulls.

He kissed Cas all over his face. “I love you, Cas.”

Cas smiled a smile that lit up his face. “I love you too, Dean.”

They took a shower together. They actually were sated enough to just wash each other. Then they found some things to fix for breakfast, and ate. It was only Saturday, and Dean was already sad to think that he had to take Cas back to the shelter on Monday morning.


	5. Chapter 5

After breakfast, Dean suggested they watch a movie or two. It was a chilly autumn day and they could curl up on the couch under an afghan. He told Cas to go pick out a movie.

Cas looked sheepish. “Uh, I can’t pick out a movie, Dean.”

Dean asked why.

“Because I’ve never seen one so I wouldn’t know what to pick.

This brought Dean up short. He turned to Cas.

“What do you mean, You’ve never seen a movie? Never?”

 

Cas just said, “Well, my mother wouldn’t allow it. And after I ran away, I was homeless. I was homeless for years. Homeless people don’t go to the movies.”

 

Dean just sighed and pulled Cas in to a big hug. Just another thing he could introduce Cas to, but it broke his heart to think of everything Cas missed out of in his life.

 

They curled up on the couch, Cas almost in Dean’s lap. The afghan was cozy and Dean put his arms around Cas. They watched Aladdin first. Cas was entranced. He smiled and laughed and even shed a tear. Dean hugged him during the sad part.

Next, Dean chose Iron Man. Again. Cas loved it. Dean thought Cas was the sweetest thing he had ever seen. Dean wanted to give Cas everything he had missed in life. He felt like it might take the rest of their lives, but Dean was not only willing, he looked forward to it.

They ordered pizza for dinner, drank a couple of beers with it. Cas just appreciated everything, every bite of food, every swallow of beer, the music, their conversation… it was all new to Cas and he approached everything with wonder.

 

Dean felt the need growing in him. He just had to have Cas under him again. He stood up and pulled Cas up by his hand. He pulled Cas to him and kissed him. Cas responded and the kiss became messy and hot. Dean whispered hot in Cas’ ear, “I need you baby. I need to be in you.”

Cas nodded.

In the bed, kisses hot and messy, hands everywhere, cocks hard and leaking pre cum, they just explored each other. Dean lifted one of Cas’ legs and pressed a finger into him. Cas moaned and pressed himself against Dean’s hand. They rubbed their cocks against one another, pre cum lubricating the rub.

Dean’s finger became two and then three. Cas was so tight, Dean marveled that he could even get his cock into Cas. He moved his fingers inside of Cas until he found the bundle of nerves, and when he touched them Cas cried out and bucked up.

Dean pulled his fingers out, Cas hissed at the sudden emptiness. Dean grabbed a condom and rolled it on. He lubed himself up, still wary of hurting Cas.

He pulled Cas’ legs up and apart. Cas wrapped them around Dean’s waist. Dean reached down and grabbed his cock, pressing it to Cas’ still tight hole. He looked at Cas, who nodded.

Dean pushed in. Cas’ eyes rolled back and he made the sweetest little whimper/moan. Dean kept pushing, slowly but not stopping, until he was fully in. Dean loved the feeling of Cas wrapped around his cock, so tight, so hot. If Cas clenched it felt like his dick was in a vise.

Cas wiggled, trying to get Dean to move. Dean got the message and pulled back almost out but not quite. He held the head of his dick just inside Cas, and then thrust back in. Cas gasped and pushed against him. Soon they had their rhythm, Dean’s balls slapping Cas’ ass when he thrust and the sweet wet sound of Dean pulling back. It was filthy and erotic.

Dean whispered to Cas, “Touch yourself, baby. Make yourself cum.”

Cas grabbed his cock and stripped it up and down, pausing every once in a while to squeeze the head.

He gasped, “Gonna cum…” and strings of hot while cum covered his belly.

Cas tightened on Dean’s cock and that pushed Dean over. He felt the heat begin in his balls, spread to his belly and then he shot over and over, filling the condom.

When they could breathe again, Cas just said, “My god, Dean. This is so amazing to me. You are amazing. I love you so much. I can’t believe you love me back.”

Dean smiled.

“Babe, I love you more than words can say. I think you are amazing. You gave me your most precious gift… you gave me your virginity. You trusted me that much. All I want in the world is to just make you happy.”

Cas kissed him. “Oh you, do, Dean. You do.”

 

Sunday morning, Dean woke up to see Cas sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

“Cas, baby, what’s wrong?”

 

Cas sighed. “It’s stupid.”

 

Dean just said, “Tell me.”

 

“I wish I didn’t have to go back to the shelter. I know I have to, but I wish I didn’t.”

 

Dean pulled Cas to him.

“Then why don’t you just stay here with me?”

Cas looked shocked.

“Dean, I can’t stay with you. I could get you in trouble at work. I don’t have a job. I’m… I’m a mess.”

 

Dean put a finger to Cas’ lips.

“First, I won’t get into trouble at work, and even if I do, I’ll deal with it. Next, you don’t need a job. I can take care of both of us. And stop saying you’re a mess. You are getting better every day. But the two biggest reasons why you need to stay here are that I love you and I don’t want you to go back.”

 

That was settled. Cas would ride back to the shelter on Monday with Dean, sign himself out and gather his belongings. Then Dean would bring him back home (‘home’ sounded so wonderful to both of them) on his lunch hour.

 

They ate breakfast. Cas loved to cook and he was really good at it. Dean was much more a take-out or open a can kind of guy, so he was really enjoying the home cooking.

After they cleaned up, they went and sat outside for a bit, enjoying the warm fall day. Dean reached out and held Cas’ hand.

After a bit, Dean looked at Cas with a leer and said, “God, I would pull down your pants and fuck you right here on the grass if I could.”

Cas blushed. He jumped up and pulled Dean back in the apartment. Dean pushed Cas up against the wall and trapped Cas’ arms above his head, using just one of his hands. He used the other to cup Cas’ cock through his pants. He smiled at the immediate response he got.

Dean pushed Cas’ legs apart with one of his knees and put his leg in between Cas’. He rubbed his growing erection against Cas’ thigh and smiled at the moan that produced from Cas. He let go of Cas’ hands and worked on opening Cas’ pants. When he got the zipper down, he pulled them down and Cas stepped out of them.

Dean took his own pants off, looking down at both of their erections.

“Yeah baby, you’re so hot. I’m gonna fuck you senseless.”

 

Dean pushed Cas towards a kitchen counter and bent him over it. He ran his tongue over his lips at the sight of Cas’ ass right there for the taking, and he could just see that tight pink hole peeking from between Cas’ ass cheeks. He pushed against Cas and put two fingers in. listening to Cas grunt. He nibbled the back of Cas’ neck while he ran the fingers in and out.

There was no lube in the kitchen. Dean let a long tendril of spit run into Cas’ crack and used it to wet around Cas’ hole.

He got a little worried. “Cas, this might hurt. I don’t want to hurt you, or scare you…”

Cas just mumbled, “Do it, Dean. I want you to.”

 

Dean used more spit on his cock. There weren’t condoms either. But he knew he was clean and obviously Cas was. So he decided to just go for it.

He pressed the head of his cock against Cas’ hole. Cas moaned and pushed against it. When the head slipped in, Cas sucked in a breath and Dean worried he had really hurt Cas. He stopped, waiting for a sign of some kind as to whether to go on or pull out.

Cas was panting, but then he said, “I’m okay, Dean. Please, more…”

Dean pushed in little by little, taking his time as much as he could. When he got in Cas, he always wanted to just fuck him hard and fast, but he knew that Cas wasn’t ready for that. Finally, he was in, and Cas was making the little noises he did when he was fully turned on. So Dean began to fuck his man, again getting lost in the feeling of push and pull and just how tight Cas was on his cock.

 Then Cas whispered, “Harder, Dean. Fuck me harder.”

Dean really wanted to ask Cas if he was sure, but he also thought that Cas was probably getting sick of having Dean ask him that. So, he took a deep breath and…

He increased his speed, and went just a little harder with each thrust. Cas was still pushing back against him and was whimpering in a very sexy way. Dean was in heaven. He held on to Cas’ hips so tightly he figured he might be leaving bruises.

Cas moaned, “Gonna cum, Dean…” and he shot cum all over the cabinets. He tightened on Dean’s cock a couple of times and Dean came so hard in Cas that his sight blacked out for just a minute. He could feel every shot of cum go up Cas and then roll back against the head of his cock.

He let his head fall against Cas’ back. “Jesus, Cas. Holy fuck that was good.”

Cas was panting and was covered in a sheen of sweat.

“Yeah, Dean. I really loved it. We need to go faster more often.”

Dean laughed and hugged Cas to him.

“Yeah, baby, we really do.”

“And I like it better without the condom.” Cas glanced over his shoulder at Dean.

Dean turned him around and smiled. “Oh yeah, me too. No more condoms.”

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

They spent the rest of Sunday just relaxing: talking, listening to music, they even took a nap wrapped in each other’s arms.

When Dean woke up, he was alone. He went looking for Cas, and found him on the bathroom floor, crying.

He sat down next to Cas, touching him softly on his thighs.

“Cas? What’s wrong?”

Cas looked at him with a panicked look in his eyes.

“Dean. I just don’t think I’m worthy of you. I’m broken, I know I am. I’ve never been so happy and it scares me. I’m afraid I will do something to ruin this. I’m afraid I will hurt you in some way.”

Dean pulled Cas into his lap. Cas put his head on Dean’s shoulder and sighed deeply.

“Cas, you’ve got to stop this. You are more than worthy of me, in fact, I worry that I am not worthy of you. You’ve been hurt deeply, but you’re still the sweetest man I’ve ever known. You’re loving and trusting, even when you really have every reason to not be. You can’t ruin this. The only way you could possibly hurt me would be to leave me. Please, trust this. I love you, I need you and you are the most important thing in my life.”

Cas looked up into Dean’s eyes and smiled, tears in his eyes.

“I want to be with you forever, Dean. I want to make you happy.”

 

“You make me happy just by being you, baby.” Dean kissed him.

 

Dean did some wash to get ready for the week, and showed Cas how to use the washer and dryer. They went grocery shopping so Cas could get some things he liked, and some ingredients for meals he wanted to fix for Dean.

Dean had some paperwork to do and Cas read while he did it. Cas sat on the couch and Dean kept looking up at him when he was supposed to be working. Dean just couldn’t believe how much he loved this man, how much he wanted to protect him and help him to see what a special person he really was.

After a bit, Dean gave up trying to concentrate. He went to Cas and sat next to him, asking him about the book he was reading. Cas looked sheepish and told Dean it was poetry.

“Read something to me, Cas.”

Cas looked embarrassed, but opened the book and looked for something.

 

**_If I could have just one wish,_ **

**_I would wish to wake up everyday_ **

**_to the sound of your breath on my neck,_ **

**_the warmth of your lips on my cheek,_ **

**_the touch of your fingers on my skin,_ **

**_and the feel of your heart beating with mine..._ **

**_Knowing that I could never find that feeling_ **

**_with anyone other than you._ **

****

“That’s by Courtney Kuchta . I think of you when I read this, Dean.”

Dean was so touched he didn’t trust his voice. He just hugged Cas to him and kissed his eyes.

 

He led Cas to the bed. He undressed Cas, and then stood back and looked at the beauty of the man. He was slim, almost too thin. His stomach was so flat it was almost concave and his hip bones were sharp enough to cut someone. His cock was gorgeous, long and slim but not thin, straight and had a nice head. Cas’ balls hung low behind it. Dean’ cock got hard just looking at Cas.

He told Cas to lay down while he stripped. He lay next to Cas and they just made out. Touching, kissing, rubbing against one another… sucking and licking throats, nipples, just anywhere a mouth could reach. Dean spread Cas’ legs and kissed and nipped the inside of his thighs and licked along the crease where his leg became his crotch.

When neither of them could wait anymore, Dean laid on his back and pulled Cas on top of him. He bent his knees and put his feet flat on the bed. He positioned Cas above his throbbing cock and said, “Ride me, Cas. Use me.”

Dean lubed up his cock and ran some into Cas’ ass crack. Cas positioned himself above Dean’s cock, and very slowly lowered himself onto it. Dean felt Cas open to accept him and then Cas was sitting down until he sat flush on Dean and had every inch of Dean’s cock inside himself.

Cas groaned and began to raise himself up, using his hands on Dean’s belly as leverage. He rose up until he was almost off and then he sat back down. Dean was fascinated, watching his cock disappear into Cas. Cas moved faster and rammed down harder and harder until Dean was lost in the feeling. Cas leaned back against Dean’s thighs and had his head thrown back. He moved his hands behind him and grasped Dean’s thighs.

Dean thrust up into Cas as he lowered himself, wanting to get every inch of himself into Cas. Cas began to moan and Dean could tell he was close.

Dean grabbed Cas’ cock and squeezed his hand around it. He moved his hand up and down and Cas shot warm cum onto Dean’s belly without warning. Dean felt Cas clench and that was it for him. He came so hard he thought he would pass out. He felt his cum fill Cas and Cas just kept riding him, milking every drop from Dean.

Cas fell forward and put his head on Dean’s chest. Dean pulled him up and wrapped his arms around Cas. Cas was still clenching around Dean’s cock and it felt amazing. Finally, he got too soft and slid out. Cas moved to lay on Dean’s side and the both just concentrated on easing their breathing.

“My god, Cas. You are amazing, baby. Just incredible.”

 

Cas said, “I think you are the amazing one, Dean. It is just so good; I still can’t believe it sometimes.”

 

After they got a second wind, they took a shower together. They washed each other, and Dean washed Cas’ hair. He was too tall for Cas to wash his so he did it himself. After they were dry, they changed the sheets. Crawling into a fresh bed, they spooned and were asleep in no time.

 

Cas had another nightmare. This one seemed a lot more intense than the other one. Cas screamed and scared Dean half to death. Cas was struggling and seemed to be trying to get away from someone. Dean tried to hold him but he fought against that. He screamed again, and it was a chilling thing to hear. Dean just kept saying, “Cas. Cas. You’re okay. It’s a dream. Wake up, baby, please wake up.”

Finally, it seemed as if Cas could hear him. Dean reached out and pulled Cas to him, wanting to protect him from whatever horror he was experiencing. Cas slowly woke up, panting, sweating and crying. Dean just held him, running one hand through his hair and saying soothing things.

 

When it seemed like Cas had calmed, Dean got him a drink of water, and a cool cloth to wipe his face with.

“Can you tell me about it, Cas?”

Cas looked terrible. He looked… What? Ashamed?

“Cas, what is it?”

 

Cas looked down the way he used to. Tears ran down his face. “It is a secret. I don’t think I can tell this one. It is too big.”

 

Dean sighed. “Baby, you know you can tell me anything. Secrets are bad. They hurt us. They grow the longer we keep them. But you will tell me when you are ready. When you can. I can wait.”

Cas just clung to him. Dean hated that Cas was still carrying around so much pain and even bigger secrets than he had already told Dean.

Eventually Cas fell asleep again and slept peacefully the rest of the night. Dean had a lot more trouble getting back to sleep.

Cas was already up when the alarm went off. He was dressed and fixing breakfast. Dean sighed and got dressed for work. He kissed Cas good morning.

“You ready, baby? You really want to live here with me?”

Cas smiled that smile that lit up the world.

“Oh yes, Dean. Yes.”

 

At work, Dean got the papers that Cas needed to fill out. He was on his way to his office, when one of the secretaries told him that Crowley wanted to see him.

Fuck. Crowley was the big boss, and he probably wanted to talk about Cas.

Dean knocked and walked in to the office. Crowley indicated that he sit, so he did.

Crowley looked at him. Then he said, “So, Taking men home with you now?”

Dean just said, “Not ‘men’, one man. Castiel Novak.”

Crowley frowned.

“And to what end?”

Dean looked Crowley square in the eye and said, “We’re in love. We are going to be living together.”

Crowley just stared.

“If that’s all, I got to get to work.”

Crowley went back to reading some papers on his desk and Dean left.

 

Dean made sure that Cas had all his things packed and told him to hang out in the dining room until Dean came back for him. Dean got some work done and then went and collected Cas.

 

On the way home, Cas asked him if he had gotten into trouble. Dean laughed and said, “Nope. Not a bit.”

 

Once they got home, Dean took Cas’ duffel into the bedroom. He reached in a pocket and brought out a phone.

“This is yours, Cas.”

“It already has my work number in it, and the number of my cell. You have to call me if you ever need me for anything. If you are scared, if you feel panicky, anything. You call me right away. You promise me?”

Cas promised. Dean showed him how to use the phone and made sure he understood everything about it.

“If I find out that you needed me and you didn’t call, it will make me angry, okay?”

Cas looked serious. “Okay, Dean.”

 

Dean went back to work. They had discussed what Cas would do while he was gone. Reading was at the top of the list. Cas wanted to clean and Dean reluctantly agreed, but he didn’t want Cas to act like he was the hired help. He could fool around on Dean’s laptop, watch TV and movies, even something they had not thought of. Dean really didn’t want Cas to get bored or to let his mind wander too much.

Their lives together had begun.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas reveals that his mother raped him repeatedly.

Dean thought a lot about something Cas could do while he was home alone that would make him happy and help him adjust. He got an idea.

“Cas, did you enjoy being in school? I mean apart from the problems with your mother, of course.”

 

“Oh yeah. I loved some of my classes.”

 

Dean smiled. “How would you like to take some college courses online?”

 

Cas looked amazed. “I could do that? Really?”

 

Dean took him over to the laptop. “Yes, baby, you really can. I bookmarked some possibilities.”

 

And so Cas began to take classes at his own pace online. He chose creative writing and, interestingly enough, cultural anthropology. He seemed to be really enjoying both of them.

 

 

Dean still could not keep him hands off Cas. Every time he looked at Cas, his cock jumped. Luckily, Cas seemed to be equally horny for him. Dean had taken Cas in every room of the apartment and in every position he could come up with. His personal favorites were on the washing machine while it was running and the bed. He loved fucking Cas in bed.

Currently, he was fucking Cas doggy style with Cas hanging on to the headboard with white knuckles. Dean had a grip on Cas’ hips that was sure to leave bruises. They were both gasping and moaning and muttering every filthy thing that came to their minds.

Dean sunk his cock into Cas until his balls were laying on Cas’ ass and just stopped. It felt so good, so damn good to just _be_ in Cas. Cas wiggled, trying to get Dean moving again, but he just held there. Suddenly Cas was coming, shooting strands of white jizz all over the headboard. His hole tightened around Dean’s cock and Dean felt his release, shooting warm cum up inside his man over and over again.

Dean let his head fall on Cas’ back. Cas was trying to loosen his grasp on the headboard.

“I love you, Cas.”

 

Cas fell onto the bed, gasping, “I love you Dean.”

 

 

 

Dean was at work when his phone rang. It was a call from Cas. Dean hurried to answer, and said, “Hey, Baby, is everyt…”

All he could hear was Cas screaming. He was keening, wailing, “No, no, no, no” over and over again.

Dean yelled into the phone, “Cas? CAS?”

A strange voice said, “Is this Dean?”

 

Dean was already on the way to his car.

“Who the fuck is this? What’s wrong with Cas?”

 

The voice said, “I’m Gabriel Novak. I’m Cas’ brother. I have no idea exactly what’s wrong with Cas, but I found your name first in his phone so I called you.”

Dean just growled, “I’m on my way, I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

 

Eight minutes later Dean ran into the apartment. A short man was standing outside the bathroom door with a very worried look on his face. Dean pushed him aside and ran into the bathroom. He found Cas balled up on the floor. His face was pale white and his eyes were glassy. He just kept yelling, “No, no, no” over and over.

Dean kneeled on the floor and pulled Cas to him. He wiped the hair from Cas’ sweaty brow and said, “I’m here, baby. I’m here. You’re safe. I got you. Please, Cas, I’m here. I love you.”

 

The man just stood there. Dean wanted to kill him. But he asked, “What did you do to him? What did you say? And how the fuck did you even find him?”

 

Gabriel sighed. “I’ve been looking for Cas for almost a year. A private eye found him for me. I didn’t do anything to him. He answered the door, saw me and started to scream. I had no idea he was in such a fragile state or I wouldn’t have approached him like this.”

 

“Ya think?” Dean just kept cradling Cas, who thankfully had stopped yelling. His eyes were still unfocused, though.

“I think you’d better get the hell out of here, Gabe. I really want to hurt you. But first, tell me why you were looking for him.”

Gabe looked worried. He said, “I just wanted to tell him that our mother is dead. And she left him some money. Here is my phone number. Please call me and let me know if Cas is okay.” He turned and left.

Dean got a cool cloth and wiped Cas’ face. Then he picked Cas up and carried him to the bed. He was petrified that Cas wouldn’t come back from this. He didn’t know what to do. If he called for help, they would definitely put him in a locked ward and Dean really didn’t want that. He was just going to have to try and work Cas through this.

 

He just laid next to Cas and held him whispering over and over things like “You’re safe. I love you. Please, Cas, come back to me.”

After about an hour, he felt Cas stir in his arms. He sat back and looked at him. Cas was blinking, and seemed to be focusing better.

“Oh my god, Cas. Are you all right? Please, please say something.”

Cas blinked a couple more times and said, “Dean? What happened? Why are you home?”

 

Dean laughed, with tears streaming down his face and hugged Cas to him.

“Oh my god, Cas, you scared me so badly.”

 

Cas was confused. He didn’t remember much. He did remember opening the door and seeing Gabe. Everything after that was just gone. Dean was sort of thankful for that.

Cas was still sick to his stomach so Dean got him some ginger ale to sip. He just sat next to Cas on the bed and kept touching him. He ran his hand down Cas’ arm or along his thigh. He just wanted to be touching Cas.

Finally Cas said, “Did Gabe tell you what he wanted?”

 

Dean said that they didn’t need to talk about that yet, but Cas insisted.

“Okay. He said he came to tell you that your mother was dead.”

 

Cas looked at Dean. “Dead? She’s dead?”

 

Dean replied, “Yeah, I guess. I don’t think he would have said that if it weren’t true.”

Cas started to giggle. Dean was shocked. Soon, Cas was out and out laughing.

Dean looked at Cas quizzically.

Cas said, “She’s dead. I was running and running from a dead woman.”

Dean just hugged him. “Yeah, I guess so. Cas, I think it may be time to tell me that last big secret.”

 

Cas looked scared. “Do I have to, Dean?”

 

Dean just nodded. “Yeah, baby, I think you do.”

 

They were sitting next to one another on the bed, backs against the headboard. Cas sipped his ginger ale.

“I was a sophomore in high school. My mother was still trying to beat the gay out of me. Still strapping my penis to my leg every day before school. She felt it wasn’t working.”

Cas drew in a ragged breath. Dean just waited.

“One night she came into my room. My hands were bound as usual. She, uh… she pulled the covers off me and she touched me.”

Dean was getting a very bad feeling. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear this, and yet, he knew he had to.

Cas continued. “She made me hard. I didn’t want to be, I tried so hard not to be. But my body just wouldn’t listen, Dean.”

Cas started to cry. Dean hugged him and said, “Baby, bodies are like that. They do what they want, not what we want them to.”

Cas took a deep breath and continued.

“When I was hard, she got on top of me. Dean, she said I needed to learn what a man was supposed to do with a woman. Dean, it was so terrible. I, I hated it. But I couldn’t stop her. I just couldn’t…”

Cas was sobbing. Dean felt so sick to his stomach it was all he could do not to throw up.

“She did that every night until I ran away.’

Dean just held Cas until he stopped sobbing and drew a ragged breath.

“Baby, it’s okay. It was not your fault. You had no control over any of it. She was a sick, sick person who lived to hurt you. I swear, if she wasn’t already dead, I’d kill her myself for what she did to you. But you’ve got to realize none of it was your fault. You are blameless. You were just a kid and she was a sick, psychotic person. Please, Cas, believe me. You are blameless.”

Dean kind of wanted to kill Gabe, just because.

 

Cas slept for twelve hours straight. He didn’t have any nightmares. Dean paced the apartment most of the night, trying to calm himself and deal with what Cas had told him.

 

Cas seemed better the next day. Dean took some time off work because he was afraid to leave Cas alone. Cas ate a little and read for a while. Dean had no idea what to do, so he just stayed close and tried to show his support.

Later in the day, Cas looked up from the book he was reading. He smiled at Dean.

“Dean, can we fuck, please?”

Dean got a sinking feeling in his gut. “Are you sure, baby? Maybe it’s too soon.”

 

Cas stood up and walked to him. “No, It’s not too soon. I need it. I need to feel normal and for me, normal is you above me, inside me. Please, Dean.”

 

Dean stood up and put a hand on either side of Cas’ face. He pulled Cas in for a long kiss.

“I’m not going to fuck you Cas. I’m going to make love to you.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

Dean led Cas to the bedroom. He slowly took Cas’ clothes off. When Cas stood in front of him, naked, Dean pulled him in and kissed him. He put Cas on the bed and took off his own clothes.

He crawled over Cas and began to kiss him deeply, sweetly. Their tongues played against each other. Dean ran his hands lightly over Cas’ chest. He moved and sucked on Cas’ earlobes and down his throat. His hand pinched Cas’ sensitive nipples.

Cas was breathing heavily and making sweet sounds. Dean loved the little sounds Cas made when he was really aroused. Cas’ cock was rock hard, standing up and leaking pre cum. Dean moved down and put his mouth on the head.

Cas gasped and thrust into Dean’s mouth. He never thrust very much, far from hitting the back of Dean’s throat. Dean sucked on the head and ran his tongue along the slit, tasting Cas. His hand lifted Cas’ balls and ran a finger under them.

“I love you, Cas. I love you so much.”

Cas pulled up his legs and spread wide for Dean. Dean moved his mouth down and ran his tongue over Cas’ hole. Cas gasped and pushed against his face. Dean tongued and licked, twisting his tongue inside Cas.

Cas whispered, “Please, Dean. Please, I’m ready. Please…”

Dean moved up and put Cas’ legs onto his shoulders. He grabbed his cock and pushed it against Cas.

“Cas, open your eyes. Look at me. I want you to look at me while I make love to you.”

Cas opened his amazing blue eyes and they locked their gaze.

Dean pushed in. Cas pushed against him and Dean slid all the way in. His balls were resting on Cas’ ass and Cas was still pushing, trying to get even millimeter of Dean inside him.

Dean pulled back and Cas did the same. Dean’s cock slid right out of Cas, and then he pushed in again. Cas opened for him. Dean pulled out and then plunged back in, over and over, completely lost in the feeling of Cas opening up and accepting his cock each time.

Cas grasped his own cock and played with it. He really wasn’t working on it as if he wanted to cum, he just played with it as if it just felt good. Dean leaned down and kissed Cas, but they still kept their eyes locked on one another.

Dean just had to speed up, He wanted this to last forever but he just couldn’t help himself. He had to have Cas hard and fast. Cas nodded just a tiny bit, signaling that he wanted that too. Dean began to thrust hard into Cas and Cas was still pushing up against him.

He could feel it start. His balls tightened. Heat began in his belly and spread out. But he was damned if he was even going to blink. He wanted Cas to see him cum and he wanted to see Cas cum too. He lost his rhythm, began to thrust in wildly and then he came. He felt his cum shoot out into Cas, over and over again. He filled Cas and felt it roll back onto the head of his cock.

Cas never blinked either, but he gasped and Dean felt cum shoot out all over both of them.

They looked into each other’s eyes and just saw love.

 

Dean pulled out reluctantly. He looked down and saw his cum leaking out of Cas and running down his ass crack. He reached back and gathered some on his hand. He licked it, looking deeply into Cas’ eyes. Then Cas reached and pulled his hand to his mouth, Cas licked his hand clean.

 

Dean held Cas to him.

“Babe, you are the bravest man I’ve ever known. I’m so proud of you.”

 

Cas sighed. “You make me brave, Dean. Just you.”

 

After a little silence, Cas said quietly, “I think I need to talk to my brother.”

 

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to have another panic attack, baby.”

 

Cas said, “I won’t as long as you’re with me. Please, call him.”

 

Dean did. They arranged to meet for breakfast the next morning at a diner near where Gabe was staying.

 

Cas was nervous and that worried Dean. He guided Cas into a booth and held his hand tightly, waiting for Gabe to show.

When he did, Cas took a big breath. Gabe sat in a chair across from them.

“Hi Cas. I’m so sorry I freaked you out like that.”

 

Cas just shrugged.

Gabe sighed.

“I had no idea you were so, well… fragile.”

 

Dean was seeing red. “No idea? I suppose you had no idea how your mother tortured Cas for years? I guess you just thought he got over that. Fuck you.”

Gabe looked ashamed.

“Look, I knew she hit you. I never knew how bad it was.”

 

Dean could have reached across the table and choked him out.

“So, you didn’t know that she raped him? Every night for over a year? You didn’t know she strapped his cock to his leg before he went to school every day? What other tidbits did you not know?”  


Gabe looked horrified. “Cas. I never knew… She _raped_ you? Cas why didn’t you tell me?”

Cas asked quietly, “And what would you have done, Gabe? You were afraid of her too.”

Gabe looked at his hands.

“I don’t know, Cas. I probably wouldn’t have done anything. But I honestly never knew.”

Cas glared at him.

“Whatever, Gabe. Why are you here now? I know she’s dead.”

 

Gabe handed Cas some papers. “She left you money. I have to know what to do with it.”

Cas answered, “Uh, Stick it up your ass? I don’t want it.”

 

Gabe said, “I can’t legally keep it. How about I put it in a saving account in your name? I’ll bring the papers by before I leave town.”

With that, he got up and left.

Cas just said, “Take me home, Dean.”

 

Little by little, things got back to normal. Gabe brought the papers about Cas’ savings account and Dean just shoved them in a desk drawer.

Cas was not having nightmares anymore, and he rarely felt panicky anymore. He had learned breathing techniques that helped a lot, and learned what things tended to trigger him and how to avoid them.

He was doing exceptionally well with his classes and had settled on a writing major.

Dean was so very proud of him.

 

**A year later**

Cas was getting ready to graduate from Junior College. He had a straight 4.0 average and was top of his class. Dean was taking time off so they could travel to the ceremony, and then they would have a short vacation.

Cas had been planning his surprise for weeks. He had found the paperwork for his savings account, and been to the bank. There was more than enough money for his surprise.

 

After the ceremony, they checked into the hotel, and went to their room. It was beautiful. There was a huge bathtub, more than big enough for two. Cas and Dean stripped and soaked in a steamy bubble bath. Dean’s hand wandered to Cas’ cock and soon was jacking him off. Cas made Dean stop before he came, and they got out, dried off and fell onto the bed.

They made out for a while. Just enjoying each other in the ways that they had come to know intimately; they were close to Dean mounting Cas.

Cas suddenly told him to stop. Confused, Dean did. Cas reached under the pillow and brought out a package. Now Dean was really confused.

Cas gave it to him and said, “Open it.”

 

Dean sighed and sat up. He pulled on the ribbon and it fell to the bed. When he lifted the lid, the first thing he saw was a small black box. He looked at Cas and then back to the box. Cas reached in and took it out. He smiled and opened the box, revealing a gold and silver ring.

“Dean, will you marry me?”

Dean was open-mouthed. He just nodded, afraid to use his voice.

Cas said, “What was that? I couldn’t hear you…”

Dean said with a tremble in his voice, “Yes, I will marry you Cas. Yes. But how did you…?”

Cas grinned. “I’ve been planning this for weeks. I spent some of the money from my savings account.” Cas beamed proudly.

Dean had tears in his eyes. He pulled Cas to him and kissed him deeply. Cas put the ring on Dean and it fit perfectly.

“Now, make love to me.”

 

Dean was happy to oblige.

 


End file.
